“Do you choose to evolve or choose to find out more about yourself?”

-Jeff Winger, Community

Break-ups: the end of an era.  Not that it should be a bad thing — no — there are lessons to be learned!  And the lesson I learned yesterday was: I haven’t really changed that much in the last decade.

So I coordinate shoe-color with belt-color nowadays, I haven’t completely stopped growing just after adolescence (because that would make every girl I’ve been with, post-18, a pedophile) I feel like I just stalled a bit.

A decade ago, mobile phones could only hold 20-30 messages at a time, so, like a 15-year-old dork, I transcribed SMS messages to paper.  (geek! — sentimental geek!)  Upon reading how the exes have reacted 10 years ago and compared side-by-side with what a recent partner has been saying, they’re mostly the same.  The same answers to the same questions, same reactions to the same action.  History, and doom repeating itself in decade cycles.

For a change, I ended the month-long awkward marathon.

Some pairings just don’t work.  No matter how her lips taste like berries, how her hair is like sunshine, or how her smell lingers on my clothes long after she’s gone, it just wouldn’t work out.  (Square holes and circular pegs or square pegs and circular holes?)  When you’re unhappy and you know it, you do not clap your hands.

***

So, for my High Fidelity-ish moment, here is an introspection into some old break-ups and what lessons I learned from them:

J - I learned that, at 13, you wouldn’t want to make the mistake of asking someone to get a “monthsary” greeting card for you and have it be a wedding anniversary greeting card.  You never have to let others steer the car for you.  Also, you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.  I got out of that car, with a hearty slap to the right cheek from her best friend waiting for me.

S - When someone’s interested in you, and you like them too, you gotta do something about it.  If you don’t, somebody else will.  Most especially when you get locked in the library, just the two of you.  Or else, 2 years later, you will run into her while you’re with your then-girlfriend and you’ll get a look.  The one that says, “you chickened out on me 2 years ago!”

D - I learned how to leap.  I figured, she didn’t know me that well, so messing up would be moot.  I think this one lesson stays with me and gets put into practice several times a year.  Sometimes, going-for-broke means you get the girl of your dreams.

J – This was something special, 4 years in the making!  Which only says that if you can’t succeed in freshman year, maybe you get that second chance by senior year.  I also learned how to deal with younger siblings, other relatives and the nosy neighbors of a girl. I also learned that to be someone for somebody else, you have to be someone for yourself.  Whatever that means.

C – You can’t judge a goodnight kiss by what it is.  It could also be a “this-is-my-last-goodbye-kiss-and-you-will-never-see-nor-hear-from-me-again” kiss.  I also learned that being direct with your intentions is good, and finding the right way to be direct will only make it better.  I also learned to make back-ups of mobile phone numbers.  Numbers can be lost, when upgrading to a new phone.  As of 2010, I have not yet heard from her again.  That same night, I locked lips with a cigarette instead.

***

Change starts from the realization that there needs to be change.  Also, I choose to evolve.  So I wouldn’t have to look at this post 10 years from now and write something similar to it.

Look at me, talking like a grown-up.

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