reviews
Ninja Assassin: A Dam of CG Blood
Nov 25th
Ninja Assassin — About the only other time I’ve seen that much CG blood is when I play any of my favorite video games.
Which is, to say, there’s a lot of the stuff in the movie. That, plus, if it helps, the blood in this movie is vibrant red — even in the dark. It’s not even the “it-drips-and-looks-sticky” Kill Bill type of blood, it’s full-on-it-splatters-the-most-where-its-cut-and-stains-the-floor-but-hardly-looks-slippery CG blood.
Ninja Assassin is the tale of a ninja named Raizo (Rain), taking revenge on the Ozunu clan, the very ninja clan that raised him and taught him the ways of the ninja. That’s basically it. A to B.
There’s also this thing about him relocating to Berlin, gettling tangled with Europol, German troops versus ninjas finale etc etc etc. Not that anybody talked in German, or, other than the sign on the parking lot that said “AUSFAHRT,” any indicator that they were indeed in Berlin goes out the window. He could have very well been hiding out in Manila, and it probably wouldn’t make any difference.
The movie works when there are ninjas on-screen or when there are body parts flying about — but the talking parts? I get confused — why would a ninja need help from an intelligence agency? The only logical thing would’ve been to tag another ninja to help along, so why get an intelligence agency researcher? Just because she believes in “ninjas”? (A line by Maslow, “ninjas?! in this day and age?”)
Also, in the confrontations between the ninjas and the German military troops — the army guys ALL die in the scene where Raizo was captured, but they bloody well dominated the finale — and the agents helping Raizo, Mika (Naomie Harris) and Maslow (Ben Miles) seem to be protected by plot armor. No matter how many shurikens slice and dice their allies, they seem to always manage to get away, unscathed.
The nice thing about the movie is how they eventually build-up the image of the ninja. They are urban legend material — they are more than human, at least until some get shot down and some get hit by cars. You’d think with extraordinary ninja sensory acuity, Raizo would’ve heard the ambush, or maybe during that terrifying slice-and-dice chase on the road, they’d have heard a car screeching nearby and jump out of harm’s way, right?
The film is done in a way where it’s stylized, but not quite? Raizo’s kusarigama (the chained sickle weapon) chains slow down every so often and leave motion trails, then speeds up ’til it hits the intended target. Shurikens leave those shiny silver trails to let you know some went this way, some went the other way. Amputated body parts are neatly cut. A washer stuffed with body parts jumps about and protests its heavy load, then slowly lets out blood just as the laundromat’s manager looks on in horror.
Also, in terms of the ninja-drama — I don’t know if the film was trying to be ironic, but they threw every trope in the book. A nemesis that calls him “little brother,” the final fight-to-the-death with the master, flashbacks, a tragic incident involving a love interest, etc. THOSE parts had me laughing. 
All in all — it works when limbs are a-flying, but it lacks a certain … umami to truly make it even more entertaining. And, well, sorry Rain, but the best ninja-related thing I’ve seen this week is still Turtles Forever. 
3/5
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Also, the girls in the theater must’ve been seeing a different movie — they covered their eyes when sharp metal objects and CG blood are on-screen, then they collectively swoon when Raizo’s around. :p
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A super-special thanks to TV5 / 5MAX Movies and Myk for the invite! Woohoo!
Turtles FOREVER.
Nov 24th
Ever just wake up one day to find out that one of your dreams-you-thought-you-never-had came true? I had one of those days — especially when I found out I was dreaming about bridging the gap between my childhood and the present. In terms of Ninja Turtles, of course.
Like any good kid from the ’90s — Friday night was what kept me trudging through the week. When it wasn’t Ghostbusters I was looking forward to, (they used to show cartoons for PRIMETIME! Seriously, kids of the ’00s!) it was that other group of 4 — the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
After the “Turtles” were apparently caught on film trying to stop a robbery, Master Splinter orders the Turtles to investigate.
What they find, instead, are their light-hearted, fun-loving, multi-dimensional counterparts. While at first, the Turtles find their multi-dimensional counterparts (the ’87 Turtles) to be free-spirited goof-offs, they find that they weren’t the only ones who don’t belong in that dimension — their multi-dimensional villainous counterparts made the leap as well.
While in this dimension (the 2003 continuity) Krang doesn’t exist, the Shredder does — and this incarnation? He’s vicious, he’s lethal, he’s … competent. )
While Shredder repairs his body and merges the Dimension-X technology of the Techno-Drome with Utrom technology, the Turtles and their ’87 Turtles counterparts find a way to get along and set everything right.
First off, the theme for a coupla things of the last few years: The Multiverse. It works here, and it’s a blast seeing the 1987 designs drawn in high(er)-quality. What also makes this feature fantastic is the references to each dimension — the 1987 Turtles being just absolute stand-up guys that, seen through kid-eyes would make you see them as the absolute kinds of superheroes you could just hang out and eat a slice of pizza with.
It also makes for comedy gold, such as this clip:
(Fun fact: yes, April O’Neil has forever changed the way I see girls in yellow. Yellow jumpsuits. Oh April, you and your yellow jumpsuits and auburn hair. )
The ’87 Turtles also provide a view of simpler times, when saving girls in yellow jumpsuits seemed like the sort of daily-thing-you-do, and that having a slice of pizza will miraculously provide answers in defeating villains who have high-tech weaponry.
The present Turtles, while a bit more serious, provide a nice contrast to these “new”/haven’t-been-seen-for-a-long-time characters. Even if Fast Forward WAS aimed for younger audiences, it’s pretty easy to see that the origin of these present turtles are much firmer rooted to their Mirage comics origins.
The few faults to be seen here are the absolute impotence of the ’87 villains compared to their more serious/vicious present counterparts. (Also, lulz at Mirage-Comics Shredder’s screentime!) Then again, The Shredder is, was, and most probably needs to be, in any form, an egomaniac.
There’s also this nice bit about Present/Utrom-Shredder survives almost ANYTHING, while a pair of clumsy-henchmen (guess who!) would turn out to be his absolute downfall.
If you were ever a fan of ANY form of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles at any point in your life, then this is a must-see. Also, did I mention? SEE IT! Find a way! Go see it right now! It brought me this Saturday-morning-cartoon-don’t-care-about-the-world-eat-pizza-watch-Turtles F-U-N. Cowabunga!
5/5,
only because now that I’m older, I’m finding the TMNT more significant.
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Points to ponder:
1. Will Hun stay that way?
2. Does that mean that ’87 Shredder and Krang now have a flying Technodrome/Death Star?
3. When will the DVD come out? Apparently, it has 12 MORE minutes that was cut from the version I saw.
Astro Boy’s Posterior Cannons
Oct 29th
You’ve seen the cartoons. You’ve played the games. You’ve seen the trailer. Yes, the posterior cannons make it into the new Astro Boy movie!
Brilliant (and partly-reckless) dude gets into an “accident.” He is rebuilt using technology. His chest now has a blue glowy thing. He uses his new-found powers to help mankind. Wait, scrap that. That sounds like the plot to Iron Man! Think about it!
Now that we have that out of the way, Astro Boy *is* a pretty lighthearted way of telling the Iron Man story — it may not keep all the original plot points from the manga and various animé retelling, but it still has the spirit.
When Dr. Tenma’s son, Toby “disappeared” (killed off) during a military testing at the Ministry of Science in the floating city of Metro, he wastes no time (literally, like, a scene after Toby dies) to recreate him using technology. (instead of grieving, he tries to rebuild his boy harder.better.faster.stronger) Being head of the Ministry of Science does help in these sort of things, I guess — utilizing military tech, and a mysterious blue core — a “purely positive” source of energy, he creates a robot with the memories of his son who has passed away.
At first it was as if Toby had never left — terrorizing the robot butler, acing home-schooled rocket science physics, and adding mischief to philosophy lessons — but Tenma feels different. Philosophical questions are raised — can a robot with a human’s memories REPLACE that human? Tenma decides no, and as Toby 2.0 is learning of his abilities, he is discarded, much like a broken robot in metro city.
Which makes for an interesting turn, feeling abandoned, “Toby” finds himself on the surface, along with discarded robots from the past — this is where he meets the Robot Revolutionary Force (Viva La Robolution!), Cora and the kids, and several familiar names from Astro Boy’s history.
Will “Toby” ever find his place? Will the surface-dwellers (the ones who didn’t make it to Metro City standards) accept him for what he is? Will he face some Human-Robot discrimination? And what of the military, and the plans to retrieve the powerful core that allows him to live?
The movie moves at a fast, fast pace. Clocking in at about 90 minutes, it seems as if we’ve seen Toby’s/Astro Boy’s rise, fall and eventual get-back-up. The only thing about this pace is, as mentioned above, the disappearance (death) of Toby skipping immediately to the scene where Astro is built. There’s nothing in-between — do scientists grieve like this? Given Nicolas Cage’s stoic voice doesn’t help either, and we fail to sympathize with what he wanted to do in the first place.
A big concern after seeing the trailers was Astro Boy’s proportions. He’s always been known to be short with gigantic rounded head/boots/arms. He’s still like that. There’s this fantastic respect for Tezuka’s original designs — there’s no anatomically-correct characters here! Astro Boy has a giant head, Dr. Elefun’s nose is still … bulbous, and so on.
Astro Boy’s proportions don’t appear obvious when he’s clothed, but he still retains the “tiny dynamo” figure. He’s been aged, however, to 13. Which isn’t so bad, really — and I think Freddie Highmore’s voice sort-of cracks every once in a while, suggestive of a boy who’s going through puberty. Some voice actors to watch out for — Eugene Levy, Kristen Bell, Nathan Lane, Samuel L. Jackson and Bill Nighy.
The characters from the original manga/animé make their way into the new movie, but you may not recognize them — although you may find that the robots from the R.R.F., ZOG and trash can all vie for your choice as the most endearing supporting characters. :)
There’s tons of fun gags all through the movie, which is really nice — it keeps the movie from getting a bit too dark. This is a kid’s movie … with tough choices. If you could, would you rebuild a lost loved one? If you’re a robot, and you have the memories of a human, are you human … or robot?
Which puts my faith firmly in IMAGI that they’ll treat Gatchaman with the same respect. Posterior cannons!
4/5!
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A special thanks to TV5 / 5MAX Movies, Stanley Chi’s Astro Boy hairhat, Dimetapp for the … Dimetapp, Azrael and Myk for the invites, woohoo!
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Also there was Mike Unson and Stanley Chi of Front Act! Watch Front Act — Sunday, 6 PM Only on TV5!
Planetary #27 Review
Oct 25th
“It’s a strange world, Drums. Did you think for a minute that I wasn’t going to keep it that way?”
-Elijah Snow, Planetary #27
It is a strange world. Warren Ellis made sure of that — issue 26 (released October 2006) — Planetary has defeated The Four‘s suppression of human technological advancement, they have defeated an alien threat and were well on their way to unravel the mysterious mysteries of the world.
There are probably many, many more Planetary tales to tell, and issue 27′s probably the most fitting: saving Ambrose Chase.
Scenes in the beginning show Elijah Snow getting ever-more-impatient: he’s saved the world, gave it the great technological leap, and now he wonders when he’ll get to save his friend. If you’re not into quantum physics (like me) then the concepts may confuse you — to sum it up, there are several great scenes where The Drummer discusses that they either save Ambrose, or cause history to cease. (Schrödinger’s, “Yeah. An infinite number of dead cats arrive at your doorstep at once.” -The Drummer)
It took several re-reads, but Warren Ellis and his pseudo-science may have possibly crafted the most brilliant use of time travel in any media plausible, and not full of holes and flaws that plague so many stories that try to use it. There’s also a little reference to the “time loop” from JLA/Planetary – Terra Occulta.
Jakita grows bored that she can’t hit anything. She gets a moment here, and even a little something to look forward to. What follows is Elijah seemingly-knowing full-well of what will happen once they try to save Ambrose, gets it right.
What’s even more amazing than the in-book story is the story of Planetary itself as a series — a comicbook take on the superhero genre, pop culture, literary figures and overall everything. 10 years to get the story told, and here are the original creators, Warren Ellis, John “we-missed-you-doing-interior-artwork!” Cassaday to bring a proper end to the tale. Fantastic.
It then starts feeling like the closing of a book you thoroughly enjoyed — you know at one point that you’d read it again, but for now, you let the thing settle.
5/5
Christmas wishlist: a hardcover of the complete, complete Planetary. That’d be amazing. Or maybe a time loop to take me back to 2003 when I was holding a copy of Planetary/Batman: Night on Earth that I dug from the bargain bin at CCHQ. (But, if you read this issue, then you must know that (based on Planetary-universe science, and this is a double parenthesis) time loops can only work forwards, backwards into the time when the time machine was first turned on, so, 2003, being a time that I didn’t have an idea about time loops and the possibility of them, it wouldn’t be possible.)
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Want more Planetary stuff?
Here’s an archive of ALL the past Planetary covers, and here’s the complete publication timeline of Planetary. Also, try looking for Planetary/Batman: Night on Earth — that one-shot is just good. Really, really good.
ramblings.