Imagine watching a Boeing CH-64 Sea Knight tandem-rotor helicopter carry and then carelessly drop the lifeless corpse of your childhood hero — what would you say?  How would you feel???

Like many of you, when writing reviews for books or music or movies, I seek out what someone I trust has to say about it — to maybe help in the process of expanding “Loved It!” or “Hated It!” into 250/500/MORE words.

I could sit down and maybe talk to you about everything I know about The Transformers, of the rich history of the noble Autobots and the treacherous Decepticons — and maybe, just maybe, I’ll tell you what Optimus Prime means to me, using hand gestures as I talk.  (I move my lips when I read … silently.  Bah.)

About the new movie?  I could maybe sit down and point out how the human-Decepticon, Megatron BEING a slave to a master, or how the Matrix of Leadership is represented in the movie is called MISSING THE POINT.  I could sit down and ask you why they had to scramble for JetFire to decypher the Cybertronian hallucination-glyphs, (which becomes a dropped idea later on) when all he would say is “Use your clues!”  I could sit down and ask you why the twin-JarJar-bots (as Mikko calls them) are in the Autobot lineup in the first place.  I could maybe even ask you why Jolt only does ONE thing in the movie and doesn’t get to develop a personality.  I could ask you why “21 Guns” and that new Linkin Park song was overplayed over the “romance”/”EXTREEEEMMMMEEE” parts of the movie.  I might even ask you where I could get a TF Toaster toy.  (Is it wrong of me to want one in my life?)  I could maybe even sit down, and then ask you, really, did you enjoy the last 3/4ths of the movie?  (The parts just before the final Autobot-Decepticon clash?)  Also, The Fallen?  Honestly?

Right.  I could sit down and ask you all of those questions, but someone in your life might’ve done that for you already.  For me: this is a rock-’em-sock-’em Transformers-kicking/shooting/slicing/de-spining/de-spark-ing(?)/exploding movie.  Those parts, I loved.  The other scenes?  They needed MORE robots.

Movie RAVAGEEEEEE!!!  Sideswipe — awesum!  Optimus Prime — robot god.  Jetfire’s “wheel” line?!  Best dialogue ever uttered by any robot in any movie EVER.  Also, the surprise professor cameo?  Fantastic.

3.5/5

What did you think?  Didja like it?  Hate it?  Didn’t care much for it? 

***

I mean, you could go tell off Michael Bay yourself, but remember: he has an AWESOME tiger. 

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