Imagine watching a Boeing CH-64 Sea Knight tandem-rotor helicopter carry and then carelessly drop the lifeless corpse of your childhood hero — what would you say? How would you feel???
Like many of you, when writing reviews for books or music or movies, I seek out what someone I trust has to say about it — to maybe help in the process of expanding “Loved It!” or “Hated It!” into 250/500/MORE words.
I could sit down and maybe talk to you about everything I know about The Transformers, of the rich history of the noble Autobots and the treacherous Decepticons — and maybe, just maybe, I’ll tell you what Optimus Prime means to me, using hand gestures as I talk. (I move my lips when I read … silently. Bah.)
About the new movie? I could maybe sit down and point out how the human-Decepticon, Megatron BEING a slave to a master, or how the Matrix of Leadership is represented in the movie is called MISSING THE POINT. I could sit down and ask you why they had to scramble for JetFire to decypher the Cybertronian hallucination-glyphs, (which becomes a dropped idea later on) when all he would say is “Use your clues!” I could sit down and ask you why the twin-JarJar-bots (as Mikko calls them) are in the Autobot lineup in the first place. I could maybe even ask you why Jolt only does ONE thing in the movie and doesn’t get to develop a personality. I could ask you why “21 Guns” and that new Linkin Park song was overplayed over the “romance”/”EXTREEEEMMMMEEE” parts of the movie. I might even ask you where I could get a TF Toaster toy. (Is it wrong of me to want one in my life?) I could maybe even sit down, and then ask you, really, did you enjoy the last 3/4ths of the movie? (The parts just before the final Autobot-Decepticon clash?) Also, The Fallen? Honestly?
Right. I could sit down and ask you all of those questions, but someone in your life might’ve done that for you already. For me: this is a rock-’em-sock-’em Transformers-kicking/shooting/slicing/de-spining/de-spark-ing(?)/exploding movie. Those parts, I loved. The other scenes? They needed MORE robots.
Movie RAVAGEEEEEE!!! Sideswipe — awesum! Optimus Prime — robot god. Jetfire’s “wheel” line?! Best dialogue ever uttered by any robot in any movie EVER. Also, the surprise professor cameo? Fantastic.
3.5/5
What did you think? Didja like it? Hate it? Didn’t care much for it? 
***
I mean, you could go tell off Michael Bay yourself, but remember: he has an AWESOME tiger. 
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